Some say the ugliest words when they are angry. Some just shut up and listen. Some just walked off. And I am the type who says the ugliest words whenever I am angry and upset.

One of the silliest mistake I've done was saying this nonsense, "Fuck You" to someone who is very dear to me. It started on last Thursday afternoon. I am not so sure what was wrong with me that I lose control. We were shouting at each other. We were mad at each that perhaps and I hope that we don't (even) know what we were saying. What's even worst, I can't remember what we fight about.

Now, I am wondering what is he thinking. And it's hurting me when we don't even talk to each other.

Some say, loving too much can be heaven and hell. Often, I met a couple who says things like they never even fight even once. On the other side of the world, I met with an elder who told me stories like, anger and fighting will always exist in every relationship.

Today marked the fifth day.

"Dude,you are crazy and I am out of my mind".

P/S,I am sorry.

I couldn't sleep. I am practically has been an insomniac lately. No, it wasn't about the coffee. I'd stop taking caffeine for such a long time already. Could it be because I miss my country?.

Frankly, I will be coming home this Thursday. SK is away to Bali for a week and I have nowhere to go. This city is lovely but I just couldn't figure out what to do without him. So, tomorrow will be my second interview. I've rejected one interview today as I do not prefer to work on Saturday. The best part is, she can shoot me back by saying I'd informed her last minute. How last minute could it be as I told her 4 hours before?.Being me, I shoot her back. I know I am a foreigner but please I do not take that as one of the reason to bully me."Please Inai, jangan ko men-men sama sa ah."

Just a moment ago, SK asked me for a late night supper at Lavender. I told him,"No". Because I just don't feel like to and my money is running low. I'd say this because, before I left the country, my aunty taught me that sometime we have to learn how to say no to friends. She said, it is okay to be selfish. Because most of the time, people prioritize themselves first before friendship. Either you agree or disagree with me, this is the fact of life that everyone have to admit. Honestly, I started to agree with her. We live in a wild world,ain't we?

Alright,good night. Wish me luck for tomorrow.

P/S, I am a big fan of Avocado. You can call me Avo but that's not my name.

Source : Google

I read few good books lately. And one of it was quite catchy and I decided to write it here.
"Sometimes when you see or experience something really real, it makes you want to stop pretending. You feel like an idiot, a charlatan. It makes you want to get away from everything that is fake,whether it is innocently and harmlessly so,or something more serious; like your marriage." - Cecelia Ahern

Been working for quite sometimes. For the last couple of years, my job was exciting. But I did a silly mistakes by changing my job last year. Honestly I was blinded by the $$$. Has been warned by my friend but was too greedy that I ended up myself with depression. The negative vibe has been with me since then.

Every time I come to work, I feel like screaming but I can't. I have to fake myself and put a big smile on my face. Everybody seem to tell me that I've got the best boss ever. You won't believe me if I tell you how he underestimate my capabilities and downgraded me. One thing that I do not understand at that current time, if I am not good enough why would he promoted me in less than six months?. Macam buduh saja sa oh itu musim.

The best part, sudah dikutuk tahap gaban pun, I still stick with the job.

I don't want to get bald and jadi gila. I finally resigned on December 2013. Then, there was a huge row between me and my boss. Just because I wanted to resigne, he accused me for planning to make his company goes bankrupt. "Kamon Boss, sa ni orang biasa saja teda kuasa mau waste time buat mcm tu". During that particular time also, I just started dating my boyfriend which is working in the same company as I am. The best part, he went to see my boyfriend and talked bad about me. I was like, "hey,are you nuts?. Kitai juga ni boss ni."

"Boss klu ko ada hati sama sa...ko ckplah bah..nda payah bah mo kasi buruk sa."
"ko suka ba sa tu kunun kan boss?. sukup-sukupla tu boss, klu sdh kawin buat cara sdh kwin."

That was the worst job ever. I just could not imagine how I managed to survive. But I was lucky to hit the new job early this year. The bosses was good. It just that the colleague was so fake. She have been my big bully for almost 2 months. It was difficult to describe in words.

All this experiences left me with huge scars. Morale of the stories, don't just jump into the job because of that big $$. It's alright to work with not that big $$, as long as you are happy and you know at the end of it- it's worth the living.

Baiklah, saya tidak mahu jadi gila. 

Source : Google

I mean what is so fuckin' wrong to add all the childhood friends on your Facebook?. But now I realized how wrong I was. I can't have a peace of night without him sending me a text on the Facebook. And now, I could say that he did that almost every night.

His name is Albert. We were a childhood friends before he moved to another city.Few years later on, when we done with high school, I heard that he got married.He got married at his 20 after he found out that his girlfriend is pregnant. And soon after that, I did not hear anything from him anymore.

We were never that close when we were kids.In fact, I hate him a lot. He was the ugliest boy I've ever seen when I was a kid. But just the other day, he told me how much he regretted of leaving the town.

 "If I never leave, maybe there will be a chances for us to be in a relationship."
     ( Kalo sia tidak pindah, mesti ada sudah peluang tu kan kita couple.)

"Don't be stupid. Why would you think so?."
( Buduh ba ko ni. Napa juga ko pkir gtu..)

"Because you are the prettiest."
( abis ko cantik betul ba. )

Now that explained, why he always nice to me when were a kid. But I don't feel the same way. So I was just his crush.

This world is a crazy place!

The thing about moving to a new place is that everything seem so new. At times, some people did taking things for granted from me. Sometimes, I looked back to myself - do I look that desperate?.

Susahnya mahu setup hidup baru.

Let me tell you a story about the recent interview which I went. The job scope which they advertised were so much different from what they described to me. And  believe it or not, they asked me to do sales. They said not enough people. Lucky I asked them, what kind of sales they are talking about.

"Sending flyers to door to door."

I was like. Buduh ni orang ni tau.

To be frank, I am not a fresh graduate. I have wide experience in some areas and holds an authorized degree. I am not saying this to boost about myself but I certainly cannot accept the fact of these nonsense people who tries to downgrade me.

And sarcasticly I said before I left, you both are mom and daughter? Because you look alike.

Padan muka kamu. Terasa diri itu tua kan?. Maklumlah, perempuan ni sensitive pasal isu penuaan ni.

Haha. Kotoh.

Source : Google

The thing about moving to a new place is that you have to familiarize the street and getting to know the new neighbourhood. I am not so used to converse in Chinese. The only communication that I am good at is English. And honestly, I missed my mother-tongue.

The first week when I was here, I spent almost everyday watching movie online. SK brought me for a movie with some of his good friends that I barely know on the first day when I reach here. Then I spent the rest of the week by sleeping. ( I guess )

I bet he can sense my boredom,and finally he invited me for a short work out with his childhood friend Alan. It has been like so many many years that I have never done any badminton. To think back, I am quite a joke on that day. I barely can't hit the shuttle cock and my stamina was a failure.

I soon realized  how much I need to do a work out . I can't even take it even for 15-minutes.
I am fat. I am just fat and I hate it.

Fullstop.