When I am writing this, it's exactly 10 p.m here. Not even a new year yet.

Didn't do much thing this year unlikely last year which what I could remember - I spent my night just outside having some alcohol with Max just as soon I got off from the plane.

So, I went to the gym. Just thinking to shed some fats away since I've been eating bad this weeks. Particularly, since last week.

By the way, this is how my gym looks like. It's located somewhere at Fushionopolis. They do have branches at other place too. But what I loved being here is that, the place are quite big and they have their own balcony just for you to enjoy the scenery while doing your own Yoga or just feel like relaxing after long work out.

By the time I finished everything, its already like 5pm. Took a shower and headed home. I remember was eyeing some Barcardi last night. But after deep thought, I decided to stay healthy and start juicing. Haven't really start juicing but I will. I'll promise that to myself.

So was idling at home, thinking to dinner or just shake. Finally, I told myself ~~ let's go easy and slow.

This is how my dinner looks like. I found a new cafe just newly open few blocks away from where I stay. Not that kind of fancy restaurant. It just some cafe with Japanese concept.

I had my dinner for like two hours while having a smoothies as my desert. Shouldn't do that actually. Anyway, like I've said - let's go easy.

So, I've done my gym and I had my dinner as well. By the time I am writing this, I am also doing some face scrubs. I had the mask all over my face now. Sounds like so aunty hor??. Biarlah bah asal sa senang hati~~~

So this going to be my last post for the year. I guessed I've been writing this all over again and I always wished that things ended well. Although, this year wasn't that good but indeed it left me with some good memories as well as some lessons to learn. In fact, I am blessed because if it wasn't that bad experience, it won't bring me that far like now. And am glad.

Good night. Twenty Fifteen will be an awesome and blooming year!

Last few months back, I started my first journey to explore Singapore. The first place I went was the Singapore Flyer. So this is the Singapore Flyer taken blurry via my Xiomi Phone.

This was the scenery from the top of Singapore Flyer. Basically, if you want something romantic you should come over at night. The view is more spectacular compared to the day light.

Two weeks after that, I went to the Garden By The Bay. I actually already bought a ticket earlier but boyfriend got a sponsored ticket in.

Honestly, I never know that they called this a Super Tree, I just got to know this recently. Before that, I called this "Pokok Rumbia" LoL.

Well, I 'll suggest to visit this place in the evening time as you can see the  lights from the super tree. It awesome. But I went on a daylight, so I missed it.

This is the Marina Bay Sands. I never been there yet. But you can snap the photo when you go to the Garden By The Bay. Easy peasy.

So for this year, I've managed to go few places which I've seen on TV and heard from people.

I also accomplished my goal to signed up for a gym.

I managed to run half of the trek at the sport field near where I lived.

I've overcome my fears of letting go a car and I am done dealing with the lawyer.
I started to write a short stories, which I always wanted to.
Not forgetting, I slowly overcome my fear. I learned that, no matter hard the situation is I must face my fear in order to move on.

I am also proud of myself as I do not survive through paycheck by paycheck anymore. I must say, I've started saving for the future just two months ago.

I do not go for shopping blindly. I buy what I need not what I wants.

I started to eat green. Which actually I hate the most, but I've learn about toxin and how it harm the body.

I've learned to take care and to love myself more  rather than pleasing everyone. And most importantly, I accept myself. I am beautiful in my own way :)

On top of everything, I am trying to go for a holiday.

I will need to learn to be more patience and trust.

I will need to be consistent on my gym.

Keeping praying for a miracle to come soon where I do not have to work 5.5 days anymore.

Visit my mom and my family more often. And take them for a holiday~ finger crossed!
Stop spending money intensively on body massage.
To start reading bible daily. Even for a short ones.
To start paying my debts.
Keep my skin routine consistently.
Buy present for my family and loved ones on their special day.
Be more generous and kind to needy people.
I will need to learn to say thank you and I am sorry when it needs.
And...

Last but not least, put God at the first place in everything I do.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope the 2014 doesn't hurt you so much but brings more good memories inside your heart. May this 2015, will be your dream comes true!

Amen.

Last month I went back home to visit my mom. Guess what, she was complaining how fat I am since I've moved out from the country. I surely can figure out which part she is referring at. But I'll just keep it to myself.

It has been always my goal to get fit and healthy. But with the fat that I have now, I lose some confidence in me.

So, I told my boyfriend how much I hate my body and make a promise to him that I would be doing the Ogawa everyday even after I join the gym. For some reason, I am not sure why I need to assure him that I will be hitting the gym daily. Maybe perhaps, I am afraid to let him know that I will be spending money on some stupid stuffs? ( Because yeah, selalu shopping on something not useful kan..) Or maybe I am just too guilty to spend some money on something that I wasn't sure will work on me.

Well, a big tap to me. I finally in.

Been working out for almost three weeks now. But lately, I get lazy. However, I tried as hard as I can to erase the laziness that I have inside. Managed to shed some fats and lose about 2.5KGs.

I can tell, this is ain't that easy. With Christmas week, we received Turkey and Hams almost everyday. Not forgetting the cakes and chocolate. I then earned back my 2.5kgs back. Quite frustrating as it ain't that easy to shed some fat.

So back to the question, to gym or not to gym. My answer is - yes to gym. Your body stays longer than that luxury bag that you could ever imagine!

Stay fit and healthy!

My daughter,

I wish you could read this. I wish you could hear me. You were just two years old when he took you away from me. Forgive me my child, I wish I could do better. There are times where I wish I could ever turned back time. 

It's bitter to let you go. It's hurt to know that you'll be growing up miles and miles away from me. It's hard going to sleep at night without a goodnight kiss. It's hard to wake up on weekend without you nagging for a milk. It's even too hard now knowing that we may probably will never have the chance to see each other anymore.

I miss you. I miss you a lot. Remember your first word, mi . That's for mommy. You were just two and the first word came from you was Mi . That makes me the proudest mommy in the world.

My child, my bless and prayer will be with you as always. May the good knowledge be with you. My prayer will be always be with you so that you will be growing up as ......

*********************************************************************************

She could not finished her letter. She was devastated. She was staring at the window, looking at the snow falling down. Her eyes filled with tears.

The woman's strength is in love.

"You will never feel the pain that I have now!"....she screamed loudly inside her rooms.

She knew that even how long she write the letter, it will remain unpost. There were something that holding her back. Could it be some dark secret?. She look confused. Once she was the sweetest girl with a bright smile. She carry such a positive attitude and spread loves to everyone that she met.

But the bright smile slowly fading. Her tanned and toned skin becoming pale. She's no longer smile. She no longer talk that much. She wasn't that girl anymore. 

The pain that she had inside is destroying her slowly. Slowly from within.

"Will I ever found myself again?".

"I am dying inside..."

********************************************************************

Another few more days before new year. And I am writing this post on boxing day, thinking that I might be busy with work or I might stuck with some heavy drink on new year~~~ nah, I'm just kidding. But seriously.

As always, I am thinking to stop writing. But my hand knows it well. Maybe I should born to be a writer instead. I've ever thinking to take up some writing class just four months ago but I figure out that was so so soon. Maybe I should wait a little while, you know - I just landed here and trying to make myself comfortable.

So, yeah! I am official on-leave today until this Saturday. Particularly that will be tomorrow. Decided to hit the gym after my long deep sleep but instead I wakes up at sharp 7:30am and get myself a chinese breakfast. Well, they called a food court here as canteen. Back at the school days, my brain recognize canteen only exist in school. But yeah, it's kind of different here. Canteen means a food court. I had my breakfast and hit back home. Thought that I can get back sleep again but for some reason - I felt like I am in the mood of spring-cleaning today! That so unusual me. SERIOUSLY.

So i cleaned the kitchen. Sweep the floor. Re-arrange my heels,running shoes,walking shoes,slippers and flats. Then i moved to my room, fold my dress, baby tee,pants etc etc...

To cut the story short - by the time I've finished everything, it was almost 2pm. TIRING!

Took my shower and watched some movies before I hit the sack and goes la la land.

What a day. I wish I can have this luxury times everyday.

Be grateful. Till then!!!

And the street was cold. I am walking without knowing where to head for. It was raining the whole day. The street light was blurry. I got Bridgit Mendler in my player.

I need to stop. Somewhere. I need to stop somewhere. I am cold.

Feeling the warm tears dropping out. It struck me like a lightning. Knowing that everything was over. And, I won't have the nightmare anymore?

And after long waiting, I finally signed the paperwork. One good thing, I am free now. I am no longer belong to anyone else. But among all the freedom that I've managed to obtain, I've lost my soul.

"I wish I could tell you for the last time", I heard myself was mumbling.

"This is the courage that I have to take, and the soul that I need to let go".

I remember clearly, that morning as I woke up from deep sleep. The air that I breathe was same like any other days. Everything seem to be at the place. I grabbed my key and start the engine before I kissed her goodbye.

I read his text saying something hurtful. I wish I never ignored his text ever. I wish at some point, I could turned back time.

I remember that evening when I get home, the house was empty. For a moment, I am in denial. 

"Beep....Beep...hello it's Annie's house".

"Hey Annie, this is Kim. Look this may sound weird. But I just wanted to check if Amory is there?".

"Kim, ain't you suppose to be at the plane now?. I mean your daughter wasn't around...."

"Hello Kim. You there?...Kim?".

For a moment, I felt like I am lost. I felt like there were some short of oxygen pumping to my blood.

"What do you mean Annie?. There is no plane. Where is my daughter?!".

Tuuuuuuuut. The phone was hang up.

I remember that clearly. I remember that.

You've taking the whole of me.

To be continued.

And, its going to be new year soon.For months I've been worried about my weight and my new job seem to be so tough.

The job that I had before was cooler than now. I do not have to wake up so early and rush to work. I always have plenty of times to do my hair and make-up. I don't have to worry either I comes in time or if I missed my breakfast as I am the boss of my own. I am in-charged of everything. And that, I just have to worry if there are no people comes to work or the fund are not coming on time.

Now, my bosses are horrible. They are just like the pain in the ass. My colleagues are fake. Fake like a bitch.

And that's all stressing me up for months. I can't sleep at night. I am so so so fucked up.

Anyway, I had enough and ready to move on. Although there were too many things happening for this year - I take it all as a positive vibe for me to move on and be gorgeous. Lol!

Next year gonna be a good year ever!

I need to do something with that arms

So now I've been exercising for almost 3 weeks now. I lost about 2.5 KGs now. That was quite an achievement for me although this may sound just too little for you. But this is what makes me happy. You know nothing about it!

Although life being a bit busy now - I tried as hard it is to find time to work out. And, you know, working in Singapore wasn't that easy like what you think. Life here full of challenges. Either in career or fashion. Both plays two huge factors here.

I am trying as hard to keep up with that two factors. And for a starting, I got to get my ass to the gym like three times a week. That was so tiring! Especially when you got a rough day at office!

Fashion?. It's all like a competition here. And I must say - you gotta be mean. You just have to say straight to their face that -" hello, don't think you can bully me just because you got Kate Spade". So, everyday, you will see those crazy bitch face with fake face smiling on you and trying to be your friend and ditch you when you've got nothing good for them.

Still I am surviving and I learnt from the pain.

Message to all the bullies - Don't worry I send you a postcard when am up there. I'll promise!

Not everyone can deal with rejection. I am not so sure with me myself. But I guess, I could not handle it just to be honest to myself at least once and for all.

But human is always a human. We changed in a blink of eyes. Some may say no. But, I am dare to say that "Bullshit". Everyone changed just a matter of good or bad only.

I do changed. And I may say, I changed a little bit too fast. But it took me an ages to move on depending on how bad is the situation.

Everyone experience in some stages of life, feeling lost,heart-broken,losing hope etc.

And I did.

However, life must move on. And that's what I do.

Go travel. Experience new life new place see new people.

So, be brave. Don't afraid of changes.